dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
