Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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