I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
