I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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