Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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