He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
