the new term for farting is butt boxing.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
