I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
