You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
