No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
