My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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