your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
