Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
