talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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