but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
