Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
