The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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