I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
