She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
