I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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