so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
