dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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