I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
