i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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