Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
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I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
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I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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