how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
