you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
