You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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