When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Randomize
