i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Randomize
