sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
