when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
