No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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