her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
