Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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