You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
