I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
