At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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