So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
