Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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