I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
