Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
