dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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