His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
