i don't plan on having that self control this summer
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
