So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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