All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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