So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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