if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
