I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
