The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
