This is not my ceiling
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
