Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
