I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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