The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
