There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
