i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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