you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
