just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
