sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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