Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
