i think i recognize dicks better than faces
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
