when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
