I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
