You can't motorboat a personality
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
