i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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