This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
