sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i permit you to call me
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
