apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
