I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
