I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
