I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
