im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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