Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
