That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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