I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
