never play flip cup with pint glasses
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
third nipple confirmed
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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