my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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