i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
