Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
not ubering you a puppy
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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