someone get that fucking seahorse.
My cat gives me a boner
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
