and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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