i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
