fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
