True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
