Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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